The Phantom Limb
My father abandoned our family when I was only four or five. His absence created a phantom limb in my emotional life — a constant longing for masculine validation.
The FatherAbandonmentIdentityThe book and stories
I want to leave my children and grandchildren the story of who I came to know. I share my experiences here and leave you room to see things for yourself.
The opening chapters
I began with the night I met Jesus, then followed the life that came after it. These chapters are my account of what I lived, questioned, and came to see. I will keep adding to the story.
Read from the beginning →At seventeen, in John's basement bedroom, I opened a King James Bible and saw Jesus in the red letters. I felt as though He had chosen me.
Chapter 2The house meetings in Hampton felt like family. We sang, listened, asked questions, and made room for the children to speak.
Chapter 3I wanted to be a father my children could know. I loved playing with them, and I also brought anger and selfishness into our home.
Chapter 4After the waterbed venture fell apart, I found myself in a rundown motel room with a hotplate and a tiny television. My children were the reason I kept going.
Chapter 5A furniture store gave me work as a manager. Later came television, a house, and more years of learning what my children needed from me.
Chapter 6I kept returning to Jesus, even through years when I could not feel His presence. Later I began to experience Him close to me again.
Chapter 7Every decade I have seen some part of life differently. I want to share what changed in me and leave others room to see for themselves.
Chapter 8I want to leave my children and grandchildren what I have lived and learned. This past year I have begun to trust God with the time and the work.
My father abandoned our family when I was only four or five. His absence created a phantom limb in my emotional life — a constant longing for masculine validation.
The FatherAbandonmentIdentityWell-meaning relatives looked at me and said, 'You're the man of the house now.' I was just a boy, entirely clueless about how to anchor myself, let alone carry the emotional survival of an entire family.
IdentityShameParentingI was standing on the front porch when I saw my five-year-old son walking home from kindergarten with his shoulders completely slumped. In one agonizing flash, I realized I was the reason he looked that way.
FatherhoodFailureRedemptionMy house became their clean, structured sanctuary — a place where they could just breathe and be teenagers. I drew an ironclad boundary: no relationship would ever integrate into our family unit.
FatherhoodParentingPurposeI consciously poured everything I had into raising them to be exceptionally strong, independent people. And that intention backfired on me. The very strength I gave them is the thing that keeps them from needing me.
FatherhoodRelationshipsLegacyLast night, my oldest grandson said the timing of what I sent him was perfect — he was trying to understand his own faith apart from his parents' faith. Sitting alone with tears running down my face, I realized none of it had been wasted.
PrayerGrandfatherhoodLegacyThis morning I had a thought that surprised me. The women I've loved throughout my life have shared something with my mother — a certain insecurity, a way of seeing what was wrong before seeing what was good. I'm beginning to wonder if what felt familiar wasn't always what was healthiest.
RelationshipsSelf-AwarenessGraceLooking down into the eyes of those innocent grandchildren, I experienced a depth of unconditional love that I didn't know the human heart was capable of. It shattered my understanding of the Father's heart.
The FatherGraceGrandfatherhoodIn John's bedroom in the basement, I read the red words in a King James Bible and felt that I was meeting Jesus.
JesusAwakeningFaithThe next day Russ, the friend I had spent so much time with, asked, “So are you a Jesus freak now?” I said, “Yeah,” and walked into school.
FaithIdentityFreedomThe atmosphere inside the car suddenly shifted into something thick and malicious. She lunged for my throat. In that split second of panic, a phrase dropped into my mind from completely outside my own intellect.
JesusFaithGood and EvilIn Hampton, families gathered in a circle to sing, share, and ask questions. Even the children could speak. To me it felt like family.
Religion and RelationshipCommunityFaithI was in church with my eyes closed when the back wall vanished. Three majestic horses and their riders charged toward me. A piercing voice asked a single question that changed everything.
JesusReligion and RelationshipFreedom